Neko

no vto

I actually appeared today, even though there is very little work on most floors, they did not give vto. That suits me fine, as I had stated previously that I had already taken too many and now my next paycheck will certainly suffer. I'm not the only one feeling crummy lately, as the air was very heavy when I entered M's car this afternoon. She told me that she had a run in with a very rude seasonal yesterday who decided it was funny to mock her hearing loss disability and talk to her in a demeaning way. As a mom to two girls with disabilities- I definitely know what it's like to have to hear someone be a complete asshole in regards to someone's disability, but I think M is coming to the realization that this is something very new to her. Some are born with disabilities and have to live with ridicule their whole lives, while others become disabled and have to learn to deal with it, which is the harsh reality of disability. She says she's fine and over it, but I get the feeling it's still taking up a good chunk of her thoughts. Encouraging words and support are pretty much all you can do in the end, the rest is up to her. I hope she doesn't dwell on it too much...

I suppose you could call me a hypocrite as I have my own thoughts I've been dwelling on (though mine are more like self-inflicted wounds). I've been extremely unmotivated after pushing through most of this peak, it's like I can feel myself backtracking and this sucks. Maybe I should lay off the devil's lettuce (for the most part) because as much as I dislike it, it seems to have a negative effect on my brain- at least when I need to go out someplace. Chilling at home is fine, but I get super anxious otherwise and it tends to have the opposite effect of making me very not relaxed.