endsofearth's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- who would've guessed it could all go so wrong...? I had a good night at work yesterday to top my week off. Boss lady wasn't there (again), which actually makes things easier, at least in my opinion. P is upset because he gets put into the supervisory role when she's absent, but I secretly like him more, and wish he was our boss instead. Things just run so much smoother- if I need help and call for it, I get it in a more timely manner instead of being made to wait hours and drowning in work, which hurts our overall output. Peak is coming up on us fast, and soon we will be working 11.5 hour shifts 5x's a week. I'm trying very carefully to plan out my meals, knowing that once again, I will be too tired to function and focus on really feeding myself, or doing much more than work and sleep (more like pass out) for the next 2 months. Outside of my job, I don't have a lot to talk about- since K and I separated in August, that's been my primary focus. It's like the one thing I've got left going for myself that makes me feel confident, knowledgeable, and happy. Yet...at the end of the day, or week- I am all alone again. The truth is, I don't really have anyone outside of work. I try to occupy myself with small dumb things like games, cooking, or fandoms... but in the end, it's all just a short-lived distraction from how lonely things can be. I used to have thoughts about getting back together with him, but I've come to realize that's an impossibility. Despite how lonely I am, I prefer autonomy. I enjoy having the freedom to finally explore what I want out of my life and who I am as a person- something I should have done all those years ago instead of rushing to wed someone I realistically didn't know and anchor myself with children with that same person.
2:38 am - October 24, 2022 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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