Neko

living my own truth

I've been reading Being Ace, and have been enjoying the experience so far, but I haven't yet found a story that I feel relates to me. Perhaps there will be one further in, or none at all. Either way, I actually plan on buying this one, so that I can annotate it later- a rare happening. I've never been given a reason to annotate but have always wanted to give it a try, so I'm excited to finally have found something I feel is worth it. The book has made me reflect on myself and my experiences as an asexual woman lately- something I still find hard to admit in real life as though I'm going through another episode of imposter syndrome.

Is she or isn't she? Does having had sex and reproducing make you a liar? A sham? A fraud? A wolf in sheep's clothing?

And then there's K's words still burned into my brain- "But you like sex." Do I? How am I sure when I've only been able to share that level of trust and closeness with one person in the entire world? Will I ever want to share that level of trust with anyone ever again? There's still so many questions and not enough answers, yet they are ones only I can find. Right now, the only thing I can think is no. My body is a temple built only for me, not a museum for other's enjoyment. I don't want to show it off to anyone.

In group therapy, there was once a woman who spoke of her divorce and that she wasn't "living her truth" in her marriage. Maybe this is my time to start living mine.